Personality change due to ecstasy
Positive experience with negative results
Two weeks ago today I tried E for the first time. It was the most beautiful/religous/spiritual
experience I have ever encountered.
I am however, very concerned of what it may do to me in the long run. I
have already noticed a drastic change in my personality, although I won't
say that they are negative changes. It wasn't until my best friend visited
that I noticed these changes. We had never been in an argument before, but
we didn't get along the whole week-end. He just seemed totally different
to me in the sense that I never noticed he was such a nervous person. He
would just go off on a partiular subject and would try to get me to argue
with him. I would express my disire to just have a good time (it was a Saturday
night) and he got very mad because I didn't want to argue. He said things
like you can't just float aroung and act like nothing matters.
I guess that is what I have been doing. I don't think that is a good idea,
do you? I mean, things, however unpleasant still do matter or don't they?
I am so confused and a bit scared. I don't want to lose the "family"
I have just been adopted into, but I don't want to become a "slave
to the vibe" either. If you could help me, I would be forever greatful
to you, and I would owe you in a big way.
Just in case you are wondering, since that Saturday, I have tried other
drugs as well, but nothing "hard" such as heroine or cocaine.
Two weeks ago as of this hour, I had never tried drugs at all. You now are
probobly asking yourself what came up that made me suddently change my idea
on the subject being that I am 22 years old and have had plenty of opportunities
to try all sorts of things. Well all I can say is that I was touched when
a friend of mine, who really didn't know me that well at the time invited
me to a Rave. I am/was in the position to really mess up his life as for
as his career goes. I felt that he could trust me, I could trust him and
give it a shot. I think the fact that I was lonely played a huge part in
my desision as well. I wanted to be part of the "family" my friend
had told me so much about (on the way to the Rave). I guess that is enough
info from me. I wanted to give you enough info that you could use my info
in your study if you wanted. If you can help me but still need more info
for your study, e-mail me and I will take your advise into consideration
and send you whatever info you ask for.
As far as physical brain damage, provided that you are healthy do not
worry if you keep to single, occasional doses taken without other drugs
and in a good setting. See my site for more details.
I do think that E tends to change one's perception and values, as does LSD
even more, and I can well identify with your situation. I had a friend for
many years, and we had a good, jokey one-upmanship type of relationship.
Nothing nasty. But, in his eyes, I lost my sense of humour and although
I believe I gained warmth in relating to people in general, I could not
relate to him so well, and he got very intense and critical and now does
not like me. Luckily, though I have other friends who I can relate to even
better, and I must admit that most of them have taken E, and so the social
result for me was positive overall.
But I can see a real problem, and I think the reason why so many people
get trapped into taking more and more E is that they find the old ordinary
life unsatisfying without ever developing a new social life.
My advice is not to take it more than about once a month, and to consciously
tell yourself that this is an experience to learn from, and afterwards to
evaluate what you have learned and how to apply it (or not) to everyday
And you could read my book, the new one is better, but the old online version
is still useful for background.