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Effect of Ecstasy on writing and Unlocking doors in the mind

I remember once you asked if I wrote any differently
before and after I started taking ecstasy. I think I have,
although it's difficult to explain. I decided not to
judge it on my writing about ecstasy.

I was going to say that my writing has become more
positive. It did for a while, but I think being negative
is too natural a state of mind for me. Actually I
think - oddly enough - when I write deliberate prose
it reads more smoothly, and I am also more able to write
prose than before. When I write poetry it's more fragmented,
more staggered, less logical somehow. I think I prefer it
like that.

I guess I'm negative because I'm still trapped in
circumstances beyond my control.

But although events in my life didn't change, I perceive them
in a different light, this time I see life with Hope.
The hope doesn't come from looking forward to the
wonderful sense of peace that the ecstasy experience brings,
but by what I have discovered in my own mind through
the use of ecstasy. It has helped me do what I've been
longing to do for a while: unlock certain doors in my mind,
which have been kept shut by upbringing and society. Despite
this I am still very much within the power and hold of people
who try to assert to me that these mental excursions are
wrong, whatever that means. My sorrow nowadays is no longer
a dreadful despondency about myself, but rather about the
rest of the world, why they won't see and what it's costing

All right, what it's costing me too, I suppose.

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